I Am A Princess Living As A Cobbler

I've been working on writing a fantasy novel for a very long time (more than a decade) but it's turning out to be more terrible than a one-eyed troll whose feeling very angry because of his hot hemorrhoidal flare-ups.

The following couple of paragraphs are NOT from that book . . . but if they were . . . my novel would probably be a best seller and I wrote these lines while just trying to be funny. I didn't care how the story unfolded. . . (see below).

Driving around with a gargoyle in the passenger seat because my husband couldn't make it . . . I tried really hard to remember happier times (even while such joyous experiences proved very far and few between . . . in fact I could not remember ever feeling happy at all).

Oh okay . . . so I could remember feeling PROUD at least one time or two in my life, such as that time when I took my 4-year-old daughter on a very first date with a lover-actor who played Jack Sparrow in The "Pirates Of The Caribbean" and when she had to throw up from the back seat she barfed all over his back instead of upon mine . . . That's when I realized: I had trained her well! (And I felt proud.)

Actually? Maybe I'm not really making those lines up. I'm sure somewhere in my not-too-distant past something really embarrassing and smelly like that really happened . . . I can tell from the look on Jack Sparrow's face (pictured, above) that he has a distant memory of it too and he seems to be pointing at me; as I grovel on the ground, trying to crawl close enough to him to beg: "Take me back!".

Born Under A Backwards Planet?

For most of us, it's easier to look back into our recent past than to see clearly where we are going in the future. In fact, accomplishing any sort of gain feels like such a struggle.

Possibly that has something to do with a planet that rotates BACKWARDS around its sun in the sky. That's what scientists are marveling over this morning. They call the planet/star grouping "WASP-17."{Perhaps I was born under WASP-17s influence.}

Here's a link to the bigger story: http://news.yahoo.com/s/space/20090812/sc_space/newfoundplanetorbitsbackward

How To Deal With A Predator Coworker

Do You Work With Someone Vile Like Lucius Malfoy?

A very old friend (aka "Lassie" for the duration of this entry) contacted me about working with a very toxic coworker; herafter referred to, appropriately, as "Ms. SucksAlot" (a devil of a woman whom we have both worked with, historically, and both of us feel certain she has retractable fangs since she is nice sometimes and utterly deviant and wicked at other times).

When I worked with Ms. SucksAlot, she would tell me politely that the boss wanted something done but after I completed that task, the boss would deny ever having wanted it done. Inevitably, Ms. SucksAlot would also deny having ever told me to tackle it . . . setting me up for a fall.

How did I cope? I began to request that Ms. SucksAlot put everything in writing (before I'd attempt to ever follow her suggestions again). She would regularly protest my extra safeguards but she couldn't get anything done without adhering to my "rules." (My Cackling Hag personality won out.) Oddly enough, Ms. SucksAlot would also berate me and other coworkers publicly and then, after the meeting, attempt to retrieve a full-body 'hug' in effort to get back on our good-side. (I ask you: who wants to hug someone so vile?)

My very old friend, Lassie, continues to work with Ms. SucksAlot -- even hugs her on occasion. She has never risen above her demeaning irregular emotional predator behavior. Unlike Idgie (famous in"Fried Green Tomatoes at The Whistle Stop Cafe,' a book and subsequent movie by Fannie Flagg) who yells "Towanda," any time she needs to call upon the assertive, warrior-like alter ego that Idgie created to empower herself . . . Lassie has serious issues with being self assertive. She desperately needs Cackling Hag lessons!

Therefore I now offer my old friend the following suggestions.

FIRST: Realize that nobody is going to just voluntarily ask: "What is it Lassie? What is it Girl?" (when my very old friend does not even bark to to get attention). Lassie needs to realize that by NOT voicing her opinion, and by not speaking her mind, it is assumed she simply defends the status quo and agrees with it.

WITH THAT REALITY SETTLING IN . . . HERE ARE SOME OTHER POINTS TO PONDER!

• Since Ms. SucksAlot's desk is positioned directly behind my very old friend's: Lassie could repeatedly throw salt over her shoulder (making sure the granules land on Ms. SucksAlot's desk). Salt, as you know, dispells all sorts of negative energy.
  
• Lassie could begin wearing earphones while she works . . . she could then listen to The Angry Rock Band Chicks From Mars and feel embraced by the understanding anger in the music.
  
• Instead of loathing the feeling that she works in an insane asylum, Lassie could instead embrace the environment and begin to cackle, regularly and loudly, throughout the day for no apparent reason. [That might earn her a free ticket OUT of there -- so I suggest she also begin looking for a new job.]

NOTE: Readers may submit their own story about any irregular person or behavior here. If you would like The Cackling Hag (aka "SunTiger") to offer effective defense strategies specific to your story: merely say so! Simply describe your difficult scenario here, via comment, or send an email to: SunTigerMOJO@yahoo.com.

If you have ever felt helpless, extreme anxiety or sorrow -- you may need to learn to cackle. Become the hag (the huntress, not the hunted). Take back the work place or night from any predatory villains. YOU CAN run with the Werewolves and Vampires (the good kind - like Edward Cullen and his family who REFUSE to fall victim). YOU ARE POWERFUL. Shake your broom high into the air and claim your birthright:

CACKLE
1. utter a shrill, broken sound or cry, as of a hen (or hag)
2. laugh in a shrill, broken manner.
3. chatter noisily; prattle.

A HAG is only considered an "ugly old woman" to those ignorant few who don't know any better. Similar to a bitch (woman who speaks her truth), a witch, or sorceress, she is - in more appropriate words - a POWERFUL woman whom the simple-minded and limited-in-thinking despise because they cannot rule over her.

Turn any terrifying dreams or reality into something to rejoice over. LAUGH. Oppress the monster (also known as that "evil villain" who might otherwise haunt you during daylight hours or sleep -- lording over you when you feel vulnerable).

In this blog, you may click on any image to enlarge it; to see it in its original (often borrowed) context.